Who's Life is it anyhow?
I can see it in her eyes. The sadness, pleading with me to end her pain. That in itself knocks the wind out of me.
THE PAST
My grandmother is 86 years young. I would love to say that she is strong and vibrant but she is not. The past few weeks have been emotional and tiring for everyone in this household.
'A-Pau', what I call her, has been struggling to keep up for a very long time. A few weeks back she felt intense stomach pain and was taken to the hospital and there she stayed for two weeks.
Kept 'in hospital' for observation, she was strapped to an IV without permission to eat or drink, not even water. Clear headed and able to walk prior to her trip, a week in at the hospital and she could no longer recognise people, forgot where she was, and became too weak to lift her legs or sit up on her own.
One begs to question what the hospital was doing to remedy my grandmother's health? Having worked via volunteer and co-op in my youth at the hospital in question - I fear I know all too well how the nurses treat their patients. This of course doesn't apply to all staff, but there are far too many employees that pay too little attention which makes it appear the norm, a very disgusting norm for an extremely care and service based industry. Nurses and staffing is another issue that I won't divulge into right now.
Shifted from one department to another, one nurse to another, one doctor to another, we were never given a straight answer or a direct person to contact until having been a week in at the hospital. Without knowledge or comfort, my grandmother lay in foreign bed, further in pain with hunger and thirst to add to her despair.
THE PRESENT
Finally having figured out the cause of her discomfort, A-Pau is back at home in the comfort of her own bed and room, but things are no longer the same.
A-Pau cannot walk properly on her own. She does not have the strength to sit for long durations and gets tired and out of breath from blinking it seems.
Yesterday she spilled water on herself whilst trying to drink in the middle of the night. In an attempt at keeping her independence she moved about her room to get a new shirt and change.
Taking courses which all end this month, I've been up nights finishing off assignments and studying for exams. In this case, staying up late had its silver lining.
3:00 am
Thump.
I distinctively heard a thump and ran upstairs.
Heading straight for my grandmother's room, I pushed open the door and found her lying on the floor half naked with blood streaming from her head. In a quiet whimper she looked up at me and said in Burmese "A-Pau dey bee bee" a few times. It translates to Grandma's already dead.
After waking up the house, we (parents, an aunt and I) tended to my grandmother's injuries. No severe damages but another shot at my grandmother's already torn confidence and self esteem - I could see that all she wanted was for the headaches to end. Using a group effort, we iced my grandmother's head, cleaned her up, changed her and tried to stay calm. Complaining about the pain in her head, she whispered that she was going to die. I could see the dagger pierce my mother's heart as she tried to comfort her mother and asked her not to say such things.
A-Pau is as well as she can be for now.
We are holding on to her for dear life - but whose?
Grandma, June 2005
THE PAST
My grandmother is 86 years young. I would love to say that she is strong and vibrant but she is not. The past few weeks have been emotional and tiring for everyone in this household.
'A-Pau', what I call her, has been struggling to keep up for a very long time. A few weeks back she felt intense stomach pain and was taken to the hospital and there she stayed for two weeks.
Kept 'in hospital' for observation, she was strapped to an IV without permission to eat or drink, not even water. Clear headed and able to walk prior to her trip, a week in at the hospital and she could no longer recognise people, forgot where she was, and became too weak to lift her legs or sit up on her own.
One begs to question what the hospital was doing to remedy my grandmother's health? Having worked via volunteer and co-op in my youth at the hospital in question - I fear I know all too well how the nurses treat their patients. This of course doesn't apply to all staff, but there are far too many employees that pay too little attention which makes it appear the norm, a very disgusting norm for an extremely care and service based industry. Nurses and staffing is another issue that I won't divulge into right now.
Shifted from one department to another, one nurse to another, one doctor to another, we were never given a straight answer or a direct person to contact until having been a week in at the hospital. Without knowledge or comfort, my grandmother lay in foreign bed, further in pain with hunger and thirst to add to her despair.
THE PRESENT
Finally having figured out the cause of her discomfort, A-Pau is back at home in the comfort of her own bed and room, but things are no longer the same.
A-Pau cannot walk properly on her own. She does not have the strength to sit for long durations and gets tired and out of breath from blinking it seems.
Yesterday she spilled water on herself whilst trying to drink in the middle of the night. In an attempt at keeping her independence she moved about her room to get a new shirt and change.
Taking courses which all end this month, I've been up nights finishing off assignments and studying for exams. In this case, staying up late had its silver lining.
3:00 am
Thump.
I distinctively heard a thump and ran upstairs.
Heading straight for my grandmother's room, I pushed open the door and found her lying on the floor half naked with blood streaming from her head. In a quiet whimper she looked up at me and said in Burmese "A-Pau dey bee bee" a few times. It translates to Grandma's already dead.
After waking up the house, we (parents, an aunt and I) tended to my grandmother's injuries. No severe damages but another shot at my grandmother's already torn confidence and self esteem - I could see that all she wanted was for the headaches to end. Using a group effort, we iced my grandmother's head, cleaned her up, changed her and tried to stay calm. Complaining about the pain in her head, she whispered that she was going to die. I could see the dagger pierce my mother's heart as she tried to comfort her mother and asked her not to say such things.
A-Pau is as well as she can be for now.
We are holding on to her for dear life - but whose?
Grandma, June 2005
posted by fifi at 11:51 p.m.
1 Comments:
Best wishes to your grandma, and your family.
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